Leaving Home/Returning Home...

Returning home to NC late Friday night leaves me with conflicting emotions.  I leave a country (Ukraine) that I have grown fond of, along with the hospitality that was shown me during my stay.  I have appreciated the different lifestyle, culture, and way of life. Even though I could barely communicate at times, it has left a lasting impression on me.  I have had a chance to see the small towns and the big cities, experience life on a different scale, and visit my Russian family.

We had the chance to see history through a 2500 year old fortress in Bilhorod - Dnistrovskyi,  a old monastery in Kiev, and a local hospital (unfortunately) in Druzhkovka. We experienced hospitality through Diana's sister Alla and her husband as they treated us to a nice evening in Donetsk at a huge mall that was top notch.  This mall would rival most stores in the US with many top name brand stores (Adidas, Reebok, Benneton, Polo, etc...), huge skating rink, movie theater, and a large section with multiple fair-type rides (which we took advantage of). We also enjoyed a nice show that was part Cirque du Soleil and dolphin show.

Before our trip to visit relatives, I felt blessed that we had found a Baptist church less than a half mile away from the orphanage that was willing to help us find a place to stay (if we needed it on our return from our visit to Druzhkovka)

When we went to Druzhkovka, I will forever appreciate how well I was received by my young nieces and nephews. My 10 year old and 7 year old nieces (Yana/Alina) seemed to enjoy having me there and allowed me to be a part of their activities.  I enjoyed the opportunity and appreciated that Yana asked for my help with her English  reading lessons. We all eventually were able to communicate (somewhat) through the use of Google translate, although it sometimes mangled the translations.  We had a fun time trying to pronounce words in each other's language and had a good laugh at times at the results.

As for the hospital visit, I felt I was treated extremely well and felt a bit like a VIP when I was given the best room in the hospital.  Although I was really nobody important, it was interesting to hear their reactions and interest that I as an American, was in their small little hospital.


When we returned to Bilhorod, we were able to stay in the home of the mother (and husband) of Diana's sister-in-law.  We were encouraged to stay there and were  treated so hospitably during our time there.  We were fed quite well and enjoyed the time just talking over tea.  Although I didn't understand the conversations, Diana was able to translate.  They were a fun couple and the husband was full of fun and jokes.  At times, it seems that is missing in our busy lives and culture where we often do not have time to sit down with friends to talk and socialize.

On the last day I was there, we went to a huge open air market with hundreds and hundreds of vendors in small stalls selling everything from food to clothing to electronics.  We had an opportunity to eat in a little small cafe, that although wasn't that much to look at, still had some charm to it.  I only wish I had more time to explore the market, but we had to purchase some cookies and a small gift for our daughter who was to turn 11 on Saturday (Oct 27th).  I had wanted to stay until Saturday to be with her on her birthday, but it was not going to work out for me to be able to do that.

I am not sure how to explain it, but preparing to leave to come back to my own homeland seemed as if I was leaving my home and returning to a new home.   Seeing all the children and their smiling faces in the orphanage cannot help but change you and your outlook and what really is important.  Seeing our children on day 1 of the visit and seeing them really for the first time and feeling your heart skip a beat was a priceless moment to treasure. All of these events seemed to embrace me and I gladly embraced the country and the people in return.

When I eventually reached my home on Friday, the 26th at midnight, it was the culmination of trying to arrange a flight just 9 hours earlier and being up 27 hours straight from the time I woke up at 4:15 am Ukraine time, until I reached home.  It was good to be home, but also felt homesickness for my other home.

Sidelined in Druzhkovka!

You never appreciate what you have until it is gone.  That sentiment is never more appropriate than being in another country when you consider the things you take for granted in America. 

 We take for granted the 24/7 availability of water, but in the city of Bilhorod, water is limited from approximately 6 am - 11 am and from 6 pm until about 10 pm.  The same is true of our current location of Druzhkovka.  Our relatives here have water all of the time, but the same may not be true for those living just a few miles away.   We all have indoor plumbing in the US, but there are still many places here that do not.  Even in the matter of drinking water, it is best if you buy bottled water and avoid drinking water from the tap.

To make the matter more personal, you don't fully appreciate the true advantages of our health care system than when you truly need it far away from home.  This past Monday afternoon, I was able to appreciate the differences first hand.  After experiencing some severe constipation, I developed an extreme pain in my left side that refused to go away.  My first thought was appendicitis, but I was reminded that the appendix is on the right side.  We had considered driving to Donetsk, a larger city 75 minutes away, but I am not sure I could have handled a longer trip.  We ended up going to the local facility and as soon as we got in the car, the pain seemed to calm down quite a bit.  However, after we pulled in to the hospital, the pain again became unbearable.  We waited about 10-15 minutes for a doctor to see me, but with the diagnosis of a kidney stone, it seemed like an eternity.

Now, when you think of hospitals, you think of modern facilities with the latest technology.  In this city, you might totally miss the hospital, even if you drove right by it.  The facility itself seems as if it  had not been upgraded in probably 40-50 years.  The check in location was a cold, cramped, and dank room only large enough for two workers.  The toilet facilities were not much better than a gas station restroom.  The people, however, were top notch, given what they had available to work with.  Many of them were fascinated that I was the first American to visit their hospital and remarked that they wouldn't be surprised if the visit made the local newspaper.  A couple of workers wanted to ask Diana about life in America.

 I didn't realize it at the time, but they gave me the best room in the hospital.  There were 2 wooden beds in the room with a mattress similar to ones found in the states.  Unremarkable at first until you notice other rooms had 4 metal beds/cots, with mattresses maybe a 1/3 of the same size.  One of the other things is that the hospital does not supply the medications.  You have to go out and purchase the drugs needed to treat you.  So, Monday afternoon, they gave me an IV, several shots, and I rested in the hospital until Diana and her sister came to pick me up around 6 pm.  I had to come back the next morning for the 2nd IV treatment that would hopefully reduce the size of any remaining stones.

I feel fortunate and blessed that I have not had a re-occurrence since, but I will definitely will want to follow up when I return home.  It is also a good thing that it didn't happen on the flight over here, the trip from Kiev to Bilhorod or on the 15 hour train trip from Bilhorod to Druzhkovka where I would have been unable to get medical treatment easily.

Traveling and Additional Thoughts

Thursday morning we completed the last of the necessary signatures and approvals.  We had to get some final documents notarized and then we met with the Vice Mayor and she briefly interviewed us about the children and us and gave us the final approval.  We then had to go by the inspector's office again where Sasha had to meet with another official (who had been away to Kiev) who had to grant final approval for the adoption.  For now, our part is complete, while Sasha will have to go to Ismail to gather the children's official birth certificates and handle other official paperwork between now and the court hearing (likely sometime around the 23rd or 25th - not sure of the date yet.)

One thing that has amazed me about this process is that although many of the processes are computerized, we have had to sign at least 3 times our official signatures, passport information into a handwritten journal!

Natasha's mom hospitality
Since we were free for awhile, rather than spend $60 a day for a small apartment in Bilgorod, we decided to take a train to Donetsk region and then travel to visit Diana's sister's family and her parents who live in a separate house on their property.  We left about 2:30 pm on Thursday on a 16 hour train ride from Odessa to the Donetsk region.  That is, after a 2 hour van ride over bumpy and potholed roads and then another hour after the train ride to Druzhkovka.  I didn't think I was that particularly tall, but try riding/sleeping in a berth meant for people about 3-4 inches shorter than myself!  I may have gotten 6-7 hours a sleep, but unfortunately, none of the hours were consecutive!

Finally sitting in my sister-in-law's house, I have a chance to write a few thoughts.  Being in a foreign land where I am now the foreigner reinforces an idea of how little ultimate control we have.  In our own little corner of the world, we feel we have control over everything in our little realm, but put us into a different corner, we can be totally helpless.  Sometimes I feel that way with God.  If I don't read his Word or pray to him earnestly (which I often fail at), then we might as well be talking different languages.  He may be speaking, but we may not be attuned to it.   It is an uncomfortable position to be in.  On a more human level, it is frustrating not to really be able to talk to my kids and really try to understand them.  I need to go home, get out my Rosetta Stone and learn Russian so I can speak to them.   The same goes for my spiritual Rosetta Stone, the Bible so I can get on the same wavelength again as God.  Nothing like cold reality to slap you in the face!

On a more positive side, I am also reminded of the grace extended to us while we have been here.  While in Bilhorod, we had a chance to meet up with Diana's sister-in-law's mother.  We took a bus out to meet her and she graciously opened her home and provided a nice meal for us.  She and her new husband were a nice Christian family, and even though we couldn't communicate directly, I felt more than welcomed. 

Finally, an unexpected blessing came from the opportunity to stay in my sister-in-law's home.  They have 6 children.  I was welcomed by all, but was surprised about how quickly the  two youngest daughters (7 and 9, I believe) warmed to me.  They seemed to genuinely enjoy having me there, including me in their games, even though I had not seen them in probably three years and having to deal with a language barrier.   Only if we all could come to God with the innocence of children.

Sightseeing, a Personal Journey, and a Few Thoughts

After visiting the kids in the orphanage on Sunday, Sasha took us to see one of the main attractions of Bilhorod-Dnistrovskyi, the old fortress. The city recently celebrated its 2500th anniversary.  It is considered the oldest city in the Ukraine.  Along with Rome and Athens, it is one of the 10 most ancient towns in the world. It is also one of the most better preserved medieval structure in Ukraine.  The walls are over 2 km in length.  Over the years, it passed between Russia and the Ottoman Empire.  The following is a link with further details:   http://discover-ukraine.info/places/southern-ukraine/odesa/177

We are having a great time at the orphanage.  Snizhana and Ilya are beautiful children. Each day is an opportunity to love on these children and receive it in return. Although Ilya is still a little shy, he and his sister seem to get along well together.  Diana asked Snizhana on Sunday if she remembered anything about her parents and I think she said , in effect, "How can you not remember?" and that she would rather remember us instead.  The only thing we know is that neither parent worked, father died at age 43 last year and mother  neglected the children and did not want to take ownership of the children and ended up moving in with a new man. I am not sure what happened in her family or what form of neglect took place, but something no child should have to face.   Snizhana has not wanted to say much about her parents and has taken to us quite well and is so generous with her hugs.  It is a shame that a mother abandoned such lovely children, although it is a blessing to have the opportunity for us to adopt them into our family. 

I know that God has prepared me for this day going back over a long time.   I could have never imagined taking this step many years ago, but now, I cannot even imagine not taking it.  I think God helped grow my love for children through the sports ministries at Colonial Baptist Church.  I dipped my toes in the water by being an assistant coach on Jennifer's 1st and 2nd grade soccer team.  I was a little bit braver the following years as she progressed into 3rd/4th grade by offering to be the head coach.  I chickened out a little because I felt unsure of being able to be effective at coaching at the 3rd/4th grade level and asked to work again at the assistant level.  However, after that, I assumed the responsibility of being the head coach.  When Jennifer started 4th grade, I began coaching her Upward basketball teams and also moving into refereeing the games, usually from morning to evenings.  Each year, I felt myself being drawn more and more into working with these children and feeling as if I was being blessed more and more - probably much more than they ever got from me.  It is not a journey I could have imagined, but God has plans bigger than ours. 

After being here at the orphanage for several days now, we are amazed at how your love seems to multiply and your heart opens up.   We are open up to the possibility that this may not be the end of our adoption process. We want to see where God is leading us in this area and being open to His calling, but we covet your prayers as we try to discern His will.  Being here, your heart opens wider to love even more.

Meeting our kids.

Kiev

Day 2 at Orphanage

Today we were able to see the children twice at the orphanage for about 1 -2 hours at a time.  Snizhana seemed to take to Jennifer immediately as a big sister, while Ilya had gravitated more towards Diana on that first day.  However,  by the end of Friday afternoon, he was reaching to grab my hand with no prompting.  My initial impressions of Ilya from the video that was made of them when they were hosted last summer was that he was a bit introverted.  Compared to his sister, most people would probably be as well!

Diana brought a few elementary school workbooks for them to work on their English skills.  At this point, Snizhana seems a little more advanced in her english.  Hopefully, their adjustment to American schools will not be too difficult for them.

I can certainly empathize with both of them if they have a little trepidation about going to a new land, new school, and dealing with a foreign language.  I certainly feel the frustration of feeling helpless  where the conversations are in a foreign language as well.  It is also a bit frustrating in being able to fully bond with them both, since I cannot have a real conversation due to the language barrier.    Having Diana translate for me is a blessing, but it does limit the ability to freely communicate.  I would love to be able to freely hear their conversations and be an active participant.  It definitely is a challenge!