Sidelined in Druzhkovka!

You never appreciate what you have until it is gone.  That sentiment is never more appropriate than being in another country when you consider the things you take for granted in America. 

 We take for granted the 24/7 availability of water, but in the city of Bilhorod, water is limited from approximately 6 am - 11 am and from 6 pm until about 10 pm.  The same is true of our current location of Druzhkovka.  Our relatives here have water all of the time, but the same may not be true for those living just a few miles away.   We all have indoor plumbing in the US, but there are still many places here that do not.  Even in the matter of drinking water, it is best if you buy bottled water and avoid drinking water from the tap.

To make the matter more personal, you don't fully appreciate the true advantages of our health care system than when you truly need it far away from home.  This past Monday afternoon, I was able to appreciate the differences first hand.  After experiencing some severe constipation, I developed an extreme pain in my left side that refused to go away.  My first thought was appendicitis, but I was reminded that the appendix is on the right side.  We had considered driving to Donetsk, a larger city 75 minutes away, but I am not sure I could have handled a longer trip.  We ended up going to the local facility and as soon as we got in the car, the pain seemed to calm down quite a bit.  However, after we pulled in to the hospital, the pain again became unbearable.  We waited about 10-15 minutes for a doctor to see me, but with the diagnosis of a kidney stone, it seemed like an eternity.

Now, when you think of hospitals, you think of modern facilities with the latest technology.  In this city, you might totally miss the hospital, even if you drove right by it.  The facility itself seems as if it  had not been upgraded in probably 40-50 years.  The check in location was a cold, cramped, and dank room only large enough for two workers.  The toilet facilities were not much better than a gas station restroom.  The people, however, were top notch, given what they had available to work with.  Many of them were fascinated that I was the first American to visit their hospital and remarked that they wouldn't be surprised if the visit made the local newspaper.  A couple of workers wanted to ask Diana about life in America.

 I didn't realize it at the time, but they gave me the best room in the hospital.  There were 2 wooden beds in the room with a mattress similar to ones found in the states.  Unremarkable at first until you notice other rooms had 4 metal beds/cots, with mattresses maybe a 1/3 of the same size.  One of the other things is that the hospital does not supply the medications.  You have to go out and purchase the drugs needed to treat you.  So, Monday afternoon, they gave me an IV, several shots, and I rested in the hospital until Diana and her sister came to pick me up around 6 pm.  I had to come back the next morning for the 2nd IV treatment that would hopefully reduce the size of any remaining stones.

I feel fortunate and blessed that I have not had a re-occurrence since, but I will definitely will want to follow up when I return home.  It is also a good thing that it didn't happen on the flight over here, the trip from Kiev to Bilhorod or on the 15 hour train trip from Bilhorod to Druzhkovka where I would have been unable to get medical treatment easily.

Traveling and Additional Thoughts

Thursday morning we completed the last of the necessary signatures and approvals.  We had to get some final documents notarized and then we met with the Vice Mayor and she briefly interviewed us about the children and us and gave us the final approval.  We then had to go by the inspector's office again where Sasha had to meet with another official (who had been away to Kiev) who had to grant final approval for the adoption.  For now, our part is complete, while Sasha will have to go to Ismail to gather the children's official birth certificates and handle other official paperwork between now and the court hearing (likely sometime around the 23rd or 25th - not sure of the date yet.)

One thing that has amazed me about this process is that although many of the processes are computerized, we have had to sign at least 3 times our official signatures, passport information into a handwritten journal!

Natasha's mom hospitality
Since we were free for awhile, rather than spend $60 a day for a small apartment in Bilgorod, we decided to take a train to Donetsk region and then travel to visit Diana's sister's family and her parents who live in a separate house on their property.  We left about 2:30 pm on Thursday on a 16 hour train ride from Odessa to the Donetsk region.  That is, after a 2 hour van ride over bumpy and potholed roads and then another hour after the train ride to Druzhkovka.  I didn't think I was that particularly tall, but try riding/sleeping in a berth meant for people about 3-4 inches shorter than myself!  I may have gotten 6-7 hours a sleep, but unfortunately, none of the hours were consecutive!

Finally sitting in my sister-in-law's house, I have a chance to write a few thoughts.  Being in a foreign land where I am now the foreigner reinforces an idea of how little ultimate control we have.  In our own little corner of the world, we feel we have control over everything in our little realm, but put us into a different corner, we can be totally helpless.  Sometimes I feel that way with God.  If I don't read his Word or pray to him earnestly (which I often fail at), then we might as well be talking different languages.  He may be speaking, but we may not be attuned to it.   It is an uncomfortable position to be in.  On a more human level, it is frustrating not to really be able to talk to my kids and really try to understand them.  I need to go home, get out my Rosetta Stone and learn Russian so I can speak to them.   The same goes for my spiritual Rosetta Stone, the Bible so I can get on the same wavelength again as God.  Nothing like cold reality to slap you in the face!

On a more positive side, I am also reminded of the grace extended to us while we have been here.  While in Bilhorod, we had a chance to meet up with Diana's sister-in-law's mother.  We took a bus out to meet her and she graciously opened her home and provided a nice meal for us.  She and her new husband were a nice Christian family, and even though we couldn't communicate directly, I felt more than welcomed. 

Finally, an unexpected blessing came from the opportunity to stay in my sister-in-law's home.  They have 6 children.  I was welcomed by all, but was surprised about how quickly the  two youngest daughters (7 and 9, I believe) warmed to me.  They seemed to genuinely enjoy having me there, including me in their games, even though I had not seen them in probably three years and having to deal with a language barrier.   Only if we all could come to God with the innocence of children.

Sightseeing, a Personal Journey, and a Few Thoughts

After visiting the kids in the orphanage on Sunday, Sasha took us to see one of the main attractions of Bilhorod-Dnistrovskyi, the old fortress. The city recently celebrated its 2500th anniversary.  It is considered the oldest city in the Ukraine.  Along with Rome and Athens, it is one of the 10 most ancient towns in the world. It is also one of the most better preserved medieval structure in Ukraine.  The walls are over 2 km in length.  Over the years, it passed between Russia and the Ottoman Empire.  The following is a link with further details:   http://discover-ukraine.info/places/southern-ukraine/odesa/177

We are having a great time at the orphanage.  Snizhana and Ilya are beautiful children. Each day is an opportunity to love on these children and receive it in return. Although Ilya is still a little shy, he and his sister seem to get along well together.  Diana asked Snizhana on Sunday if she remembered anything about her parents and I think she said , in effect, "How can you not remember?" and that she would rather remember us instead.  The only thing we know is that neither parent worked, father died at age 43 last year and mother  neglected the children and did not want to take ownership of the children and ended up moving in with a new man. I am not sure what happened in her family or what form of neglect took place, but something no child should have to face.   Snizhana has not wanted to say much about her parents and has taken to us quite well and is so generous with her hugs.  It is a shame that a mother abandoned such lovely children, although it is a blessing to have the opportunity for us to adopt them into our family. 

I know that God has prepared me for this day going back over a long time.   I could have never imagined taking this step many years ago, but now, I cannot even imagine not taking it.  I think God helped grow my love for children through the sports ministries at Colonial Baptist Church.  I dipped my toes in the water by being an assistant coach on Jennifer's 1st and 2nd grade soccer team.  I was a little bit braver the following years as she progressed into 3rd/4th grade by offering to be the head coach.  I chickened out a little because I felt unsure of being able to be effective at coaching at the 3rd/4th grade level and asked to work again at the assistant level.  However, after that, I assumed the responsibility of being the head coach.  When Jennifer started 4th grade, I began coaching her Upward basketball teams and also moving into refereeing the games, usually from morning to evenings.  Each year, I felt myself being drawn more and more into working with these children and feeling as if I was being blessed more and more - probably much more than they ever got from me.  It is not a journey I could have imagined, but God has plans bigger than ours. 

After being here at the orphanage for several days now, we are amazed at how your love seems to multiply and your heart opens up.   We are open up to the possibility that this may not be the end of our adoption process. We want to see where God is leading us in this area and being open to His calling, but we covet your prayers as we try to discern His will.  Being here, your heart opens wider to love even more.

Meeting our kids.

Kiev

Day 2 at Orphanage

Today we were able to see the children twice at the orphanage for about 1 -2 hours at a time.  Snizhana seemed to take to Jennifer immediately as a big sister, while Ilya had gravitated more towards Diana on that first day.  However,  by the end of Friday afternoon, he was reaching to grab my hand with no prompting.  My initial impressions of Ilya from the video that was made of them when they were hosted last summer was that he was a bit introverted.  Compared to his sister, most people would probably be as well!

Diana brought a few elementary school workbooks for them to work on their English skills.  At this point, Snizhana seems a little more advanced in her english.  Hopefully, their adjustment to American schools will not be too difficult for them.

I can certainly empathize with both of them if they have a little trepidation about going to a new land, new school, and dealing with a foreign language.  I certainly feel the frustration of feeling helpless  where the conversations are in a foreign language as well.  It is also a bit frustrating in being able to fully bond with them both, since I cannot have a real conversation due to the language barrier.    Having Diana translate for me is a blessing, but it does limit the ability to freely communicate.  I would love to be able to freely hear their conversations and be an active participant.  It definitely is a challenge!

Arrival at the Orphanage!

The day started quite early today.  We were to leave Kiev at 4:15 am this morning, so it meant having to wake up at 3:30 in the morning to finish packing up our stuff from our apartment in Kiev.  We had an approximately 8 hour car ride to Bilgorod, about an hour or so ride from Odessa. See the map for details:

 http://maps.yahoo.com/#q=Bilhorod-Dnistrovskyi+Raion%2C+Ukraine&conf=1&start=1&lat=47.709761542666385&lon=30.69580078125&zoom=7&mvt=m&trf=0

It was a long ride, but full of anticipation and a little trepidation in not know what to expect, but also excitement in being able to see our children for the first time since last summer.  We met them last summer, but it was only for a brief time and neither we nor the children knew we would eventually reunite.

We arrive at the orphanage around 12:30 pm, but we had to take a detour into Moldova to actually get to Bilgorod.  (There is a large lake separating Bilgorod from Odessa.).  We first had to meet with the inspector for the region and Sasha had to present our referral to her.  We came in and spoke to her briefly and she asked us about our jobs, where we lived, if we had room for two children, whether we lived in apartment or house, etc... She asked us whether we were ready to divide our love with two more children to which I said that it will be multiplied, not divided.

We had to sign our names in a notebook signifying our approval and she came in our van with us to the orphanage.  When we arrived, the inspector went in with the orphanage director, doctor and a couple of other workers in the main office while we waited about 20-30 minutes.  We were eventually ushered in and the director went over Ilya's and Snizhana's backgrounds. Their father died around May or June of last year around age of 43 or 44, and the mother's rights were terminated last year as well.  The mother (age 35-36) was contacted numerous times and never made an effort to see the children or claim them.  She found another man to live with and these children were no longer her priority.  We were told that although the house was in pretty good order, that appeared to be all there was - not enough food, medicine, etc... Neither the mother nor the father were employed.  In the year plus that they have been in the orphanage, not one relative has come to see them.

After about 10 minutes, they showed up behind us and our hearts just skipped a few beats.  It was love at first sight to see these beautiful children.  Snizhana seemed to immediately take to Jennifer and continually held her, while Ilya seemed to take well with Diana, holding her hand.

It is sad that this mother didn't care at all for these precious children.  We are blessed with the opportunity to adopt these children and fill our lives with their love.  We praise God for them!

Ukraine Bound!

We finally made it!   We departed from RDU around 2:30 pm on Monday, although we got a bit of a late start for the airport.  We still had some last minute packing to do, trying to get everything packed into one suitcase apiece and into carry on luggage.  Diana and I shared a suitcase, as one was going to be used primarily for clothing for the other children in the orphanage.

 Friday afternoon, I went to my bank and withdrew $15,000 in hundred dollar bills.  However, when I got home, we were concerned that some of the bills would not be acceptable currency needed for Ukraine.  So, Monday morning I headed back to the Crescent State bank branch in Cary to see if I could exchange money into better bills.  The ladies at the branch on Kildaire Farm Road are the best.  We spent about an hour going through the bills, picking out the best they had.  That is real customer service!!!  I then had to go by the credit union and pick up an additional $4K for additional expenses (gas, travel, etc...).  I had to go to several branches to get what I needed, followed by a trip to a  couple of stores looking for a travel adapter.  I finally get home around 12:30 pm, about the time for us to head to the airport! I was never so glad to see the final bags packed.

We flew to Charlotte, getting in around 3:30 pm.  It was a pretty quick turnaround for our 5 pm flight to Munich, Germany on Lufthansa.  The flight was pretty full and a bit cramped, however the service on board was excellent.  We arrived in Munich around 8 am.  We would have loved to explore Munich, since our flight was at 1:30 pm, but it wasn't enough time in reality to do so.

The final leg of our journey got us into Kiev around 4:15 pm, where Sasha met us and drove us to the apartment where we will be staying the next two days.  Tomorrow, we head to the State Department of Adoptions to register our adoption and pick up the referral the following day.  Please pray that everything goes smoothly!

Thanks for all of the prayers and support each of you have given us.  Can't wait to see the kids!